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Disconnection is something that I’ve felt most of my life. I’ve always been aware of the world around me, yet felt somewhat separate to it. The loneliest I feel is when I’m surrounded by a lot of people. I think this is why I drink or smoke weed so much at parties or social events – it’s the only way I can dull that feeling of loneliness. Now that I’ve taken away all my coping mechanisms, I’m drowning in loneliness. I know I’m not alone, but that is how I feel. Continue reading
I haven’t written for quite a while, particularly about my mental health, and I think it’s about time I change that. Continue reading
There are days, sometimes weeks, when I feel fantastic. Then there are days, sometimes weeks and months when I feel pretty crappy. On the crappy days, my mantra becomes “one thing at a time”. When my depression was really bad, it was the only thing that got me out of bed. Continue reading
Today I had an appointment with my GP to discuss changing my anti-depressant medication. I have been on Citalopram for 2 years and 3 months, and it has stopped being as effective as it once was. I would, of course, prefer to be coming off anti-depressants completely, but at the moment this isn’t an option. In order to switch medication, I’m going to be tapering off the Citalopram – taking 20mg for 1 week, then 10mg for 1 week, then starting on 39.5mg of Venlafaxine and building this up over a few weeks or months. It’s going to take time. Continue reading
Today I realised that it has been almost exactly 2 years since I started taking anti-depressants (Citalopram). It seems crazy that it’s been so long! I remember when I was first prescribed them that I thought that I’d be on them for a maximum of 6 months. How wrong I was!
A lot has changed since then. Continue reading
I’m feeling much calmer today than I was 1 week ago. I don’t feel as angry. And my head feels much clearer. I think this is in part to do with the fact that I have been meditating most days (I managed 5 out of 7 days). I’ve been trying to get myself out of my head – through exercise and socialising. I’ve also been trying to focus on the future a bit more than usual, as well as trying to remain more in the present when I’m doing things. I know this sounds contradictory, but bear with me. Continue reading