I AM NOT FEMALE!

When people ask me to explain non-binary gender to them, I don’t know what to say. Usually I respond with “neither male nor female”, but when people ask me to elaborate, I don’t really know what to say. Conversely, I don’t understand what it means to be male or to be female. I reckon if I asked most people to explain their male gender or their female gender, they would be just as stumped as I am when trying to explain my non-binary gender.

I know this isn’t a profound thought, but it seems important to write it down. My frustration with the world – even the “LGBT world” – is that everyone assumes other people’s gender based on their appearance. This means that I get gendered female in public. AGH!!!! Even in supposedly “trans-inclusive” circles, I get misgendered. I get called love, she, her and I LITERALLY want to bang my head against a brick wall and SCREAM!

The most infuriating thing about it all is that there’s nothing I can really do about this. Tonight I was volunteering at a fundraising event and at one point I just thought “I’m going to get a t-shirt and a badge AND a headband that say “I am non-binary. Use gender-neutral language when referring to me” and wear them for the rest of my life when in public. It’s actually the only solution. I’m dead serious about this. I’ve never really considered walking around with my gender written all over me, but there just seems to be no other way. I have TRIED every other way, and it just doesn’t work. People see me and they see female. I fucking HATE it!

Clearly, I am quite irritated right now, but I had to write this out. I want to scream, but instead I lie in bed, listening to Stephen Fry read Harry Potter and trying to find a way to calm myself down. I have too much clarity at the moment, and I don’t like what I’m seeing.

 

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