Love and Grief

How can it be possible to love so much and yet not be loved? How can in be possible to feel that you were loved, and yet not have been loved? How can it be possible to feel so much for a person and yet for them not to feel those things for you?

Love can be incredible, but when it’s unrequited it’s painful and consuming. I’ve been trying to deal with the break-up with my partner, but sometimes it all gets too much. I cry for my partner in the same way that I cried for my granny when she passed away last year, almost to the day of my partner breaking up with me. It’s as though I’ve lost someone forever. But this time, the memories don’t comfort me. They haunt me.

I’ve been through break-ups before, one that almost as upsetting as this one. There’s nothing I could’ve done to prepare me for this, and there’s nothing I can do now but give it time.

On the whole, my life has become a thousand times better since the break-up. I have reconnected with friends that I had lost touch with. I’m engaging once more with the lesbian and queer communities in a way that makes me feel whole again. I no longer have a partner who struggles with me being me, who ended our relationship because I am me. I know, logically, that I’m better off without, but I still miss my ex. The heart feels not what the mind knows.

Time heals all hurts, and the pain will fade with the passing days, weeks and months. And I know that eventually I will be able to love another. But I wish that day was now, and that I didn’t have to feel so sad right now.

I need youI still need you, but you’re not here anymore – by choice – and that hurts so badly. Now I need to let go of you, to accept that you’re not here for me anymore. Love hurts.

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